Fuck you, Mr. President by Ejaz Haider

by Ejaz Haider/ The recently sacked editor of Newsweek Pakistan and former Assistant Editor of Daily Times

Ejaz Haider says he was only the “minor author” of this piece and the “100 per cent editor”, and the “major author” does not want to own up to it.

Seriously, fuck you.
Let us start with the basics. You are an asshole. A thief. An alleged murderer. And a scoundrel. And mind-blowingly incompetent to boot.
The only reason you matter is because your equally incompetent, currently delusional, then dysfunctional, mother-in-law thought that you were such a lowly piece of shit that you would never get in the way of your late wife, also delusional, whose dowry included the most popular political party in Pakistan. Why she had such elevated expectations of a two-bit thug is beyond us. But still.
After you had done your husbandly duties, the sensible thing for BB to have done would be to have had you shot. In fact, she should just had had your sperm frozen on day one and then had you tortured into the next dimension. But BB made many mistakes, marrying you being one class-fucking-A example.
So long as BB was alive, you were an embarrassment. You stole with great abandon, from old and young, from the rich and the poor alike. You were, and remain, a fucking genius at stealing. And, surprisingly modest to boot. The world knew you as Mr. 10 per cent. You were maligned. The SGS Cotecna deal only called for a 6% kickback (as did the Agosta submarines deal). But, since BB was busy leading the masses, she needed a Luca Brasi to handle her business affairs. Division of labour, we believe, is what economists call it.
In 1996, you went straight to jail and did not emerge for 8 years. Let’s give you your due. Eight years in jail is a bitch. But you sucked it up, took your torture with a straight face, and eventually scarpered off to Dubai as part of confidence building measures between BB and the General.
Then the General got into trouble and the doors to Pakistan swung upon for BB. You skulked along in her wake, hoping not to get noticed. But you were there, lingering like the bouquet of a garlic-laden fart.
In December 2007, Pakistan was blown apart when BB died. You played your cards right, fought for the Federation, faced down the Sindhi chauvinists and insisted that democracy was the best revenge. We began to have second thoughts about you. And BB’s mysterious will surfaced giving custody of her party, like a retarded teenager, to her darling husband. Most fucking convenient.
The sympathy factor got the PPP the next election. And all the chootiyas in the party decided that their bread and butter depended upon their kissing your ass. So it became your party. And in the spirit of brotherhood that then prevailed, everybody said, hey let’s just make the fucker our President. He seems to have changed.
Let us begin with the fact that you have not changed. You have always been corrupt. And you are still corrupt today. Let us now add to the corruption your amazing fucking arrogance, your oh-so-charming response to all opposition – mein unn ko lund pay likhta hoon – and your general I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. The funny thing is that we would still forgive you all of that because hey, you got elected President and let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. Deep down, we still felt that there was a part of your black heart which still cared about Pakistan.
We were wrong. You don’t give a fuck about Pakistan. Pakistan is simply put, your bitch, yours to screw whenever you feel like. Aggay, pichhay, whatever.
No person who gave a shit about Pakistan, let alone any sane person tasked with the job of pretending to be the symbol of the fucking Federation, would ever abandon Pakistan during the worst floods in its entire history. Something like 2000 people have died in those floods. Your only job is to care for them, to make sympathetic noises. And you failed to do your job for the simple reason that you don’t give a fuck about us.
On top of the colossal stupidity of fucking off to England at a time of national crisis, there are the additional fuck-you factors. First of all, this was not a good time to go to England. Their PM just got done telling us to fuck off so going staying in London in a $12,000 per night suite was not the ideal response.

And second, there is the whole Normandy chateau thing which just takes the fucking cake in this entire stupid goddamn episode. What fucking planet do you live in if you think that taking a private jet to your private fucking chateau is a good idea when Pakistan is facing one of the largest humanitarian crises in its entire history. This was not work. This was just a giant fuck you to us.
And why, might we ask do you have to put out a press release telling everybody that the chateau has been in the Zardari family for the last 24 years. Oh really? So when your father was running the fucking Bambino cinema in Karachi in the mid-80s, he was also the owner of a 5-acre chateau in Normandy? Is there some secret Zardari clan which has been French aristocracy for decades? Seriously, how fucking stupid do you think we are?
We are out of words now. We cannot comprehend the depth and level of arrogance in you. We just can’t. What we can say is this: fuck you Mr. President.

40 Responses

  1. me tooo

  2. mee three!!!

    • I think he is a Satan. not a man. perhaps Allah Almighty is punishing us for our sins. (As Muhammad P.B.U.H says like) Governing body will be according to the people; if you are good, the governor is good and if you are not simply the governor will also be wrong

      • The Sin is so boldly written on each citizen of Pakista’s forehead but you all fucking cowards, hypocrites and Jahils of highest degree. Masters of lies and destryer of faith and robers of religeon’s noble spirit. You did what you did to minorities and gave legal support to the cruelty. Go to the hell which you created with your own two hands.. Live in the fucking shit which is oozing out of Zardar’s ass. Thank you Zardari you are the punisment of the sin

  3. Whats needed is for the country to tell this dadhi-chod (because lets face it he would) that they have had enough of the rat faced fucker. Seize all his assets, freeze his accounts and pursue with vigour the cases that were pending against him.

    The man is a living insult to Pakistanis everywhere and his incompetence, like his greed, has no bounds.

  4. and to boot, he’s given us the retarded Ijaz Butt.

  5. hang this greedy bastard along the road

  6. hang this ugly smile fool

  7. a new virus for pakistan.smiling croc

  8. Wow! Has this been send to the Damsel who bloats in
    and out of the Parliament, And washes the muck of her beloved leader.

  9. not only fuck him but also fuck all bhutto zardari, sharif and molana.

    • Dear Mohsin,

      Aap nai molanao ko gali daiker apne acche a’amal
      zaya kardiyai. Maut sai pahle toba karlo shayad kai Allah aap ko muaf kardai.

      Dua’a Kartaba hoon Allah aap ko sahi rasta dikhae

      • there is no place for the clergy in Islam, it is a recent borrowing from Christianity (600 years or so) The quran has equated the official clergy with dogs and donkeys in the third manifestation of the story of Cain and Abel. Read. Allah should be most pleased with anybody that follows His dictum! The word Mollana has been used just once in the Quran and thaty Allah has used for Himself!

      • Khali molana nahin, kissi ko bhi gali nahin daini chahiyeh….

    • Right on buddy!

  10. fuck zardari! fuck him

  11. […] the Judiciary that freed Malik Ishaq. I would also like to thank brave and struggling journalist, the gentle, polite soul that is Ejaz Haider for exposing the Sabai agenda of the Hazara Fifth columnists.  […]

  12. I think all the MNAs should be punished by the people with severe hunter and stones for electing Zardari as their party leader and balawal bhuto should be treated according to the law who escaped and put his father on the chair. I want to see him hanged but if it is fair to Allah Almighty

  13. PPP MNAs could appose Zardari but they did nothing and simply meshed with the (blackman). You are 100% right.

  14. I have an opinion for the Pakistani Courts and law making cabinet. If there are trust worthy people to implement the law. The opinion is…

    There should be a fatal punishment for corrupt employees of over 17 or 18 grades. because their corruption has a wider effect then a sweeper of grade 1. this will restrict them from indulging in bribery and other illegal operations that will finally lay a route to success and eradicate the corrupts from the society.

    Thank you for reading my earnest proposal.

    All the big crocodiles will be killed : )

  15. He should be hanged by his dick until it breaks off.

  16. A literary masterpiece! Another such letter is required for Nawaz Sharif also.

  17. What’s wrong with the millions of Pakistani and PPP members to to let this baboon stay in power? Pakistani put up with the corrupt Zia and then another corrupt baboon Nawab Sharif. Both men had embraced the corrupted Wahhabi faith. What Pakistani’s forget the Whabi faith was started by the British few decades back to get rid of the Suni from Saudi Arabia. What’s wrong with Pakistanis they dance tune to any thing that glitters and corrupt leaders.

  18. Mr Ejaz why do you like to start with a FUCK.
    Your good writeup was marred with your Bazari language. Sorry I did not like it. I dont dispute the facts.

  19. the language…is rotton. I am no fan of Zardari,but the nation is highly obliged to him for exposing all including Judiciary.Mr Ejaz why all muck on him only

  20. ..some people have complained about the wrotten language. I think it is most expressive and fits well with the wrotten subject.

    • Must you use obscene words. I wanted to forward this to my cousin and daughter being a good article but the abusive contents stopped me. You may dislike anyone to any extent but there are words in English language to express that within limits of accepted norms of decency. The publisher MUST have some stadards too.

  21. Ejaz hyder , you are son of birch and I think Zardari sahab has done something horrible to your wife and daughters so u have rewritten this.

  22. He is so Fuckin right; the man who sacked him should be sacked. Tomtom/

  23. I’m no subscriber of profanities, but scums like Zardari deserves every bit and more. He’s busy raping whatever is left of the country, the irony is that his remnant in the shape of Bilawal is getting ready to screw us again.

    Btw Nawaz is no less an evil.

    What a travesty, when will these illiterate fools wake up and stop voting for this rot.

  24. I like the fuck words you have expressed for this asshole. I don’t know why people are objecting about these things, fact is fact !

  25. We are told democracy is the panacea for all our ills. but it is democracy that has given us this shit and it seems that with all the wheeling and dealing going on it is likely that we will, in our democratic way, be wallowing in it for another 5 years because.many will vote for the same again no matter how much it stinks and by the same I mean the other major parties as well

    • …….the plight of nations has not changed with criticism, bikering and abusive language, it has indeed changed by individual sacrifices. If we think this menace is going to get evicted by these exchanges we are in gross error……… The Quran is clear in the approach: If you want to rule them you have to first fight them

  26. I think after reading the article the party to be blamed is us!!!! we r the voters & we elected the NA & PA !! Those we elected have elected Zardari as President of Pakistan!!! First we should take ourselves to task & then go for the MNAs & MPAs by dragging them from their houses & hanging them on the street lights poles so that we all should be reminded that we can not FUCK Pakistan by electing such people who willing are destroying our PAKISTAN!!!!!!

  27. …….just choose another set of MPs so that the current lot understand that we did not send them there to hire a thief!

  28. I tried to delete my address several times……….either I am not correctly opting out or you are ignoring my request.

    Please opt me out of your mailing list.


  29. Very brave of you to write such an article ! You have represented our frustrations over our failed politicians , particularly our then President …
    Thoroughly enjoyed it .
    Momina khan

  30. On a second thought , I wish there was another word besides “the F word ” to express our frustrations !
    I do realise that our frustrations exceed much more than our capacity to endure
    Nevertheless it was an article by the people and for the people , hence very democratic !

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