Pakistan is a country that has almost as many beggars as it does fresh graduates.  Now we are country that is thought to be filled with beggars because the begging starts right at the top.  Our elected professionals must have the following qualities in order to hold any office of choice.

They must possess an authentic college degree.

They must always be lackeys to the west and irrespective of what they feel must have the ability to twist all national causes to suit the red white and blue.

They must know how to portray the entire nation after their own political faction as a victim of any senseless cause they wish to adopt.

They must know how to hold a begging bowl and scream for alms and attention thus claiming they are the puritans that society has abandoned.

In order to do this they must constantly be in a reactive state of mind rather than proactive developmental frame.

We have always screamed at the west and blamed it for our issues but sadly we have not done anything to prevent this addiction of begging.  You see we are so addicted to begging that if you stand at a traffic light you will see that is exactly where the signals begin.  Professionals will come to you and tug on emotions claiming helplessness and you will hear dire stories of misfortune from your own staff as to how a relative has managed to die at least 3 times over a period of a year.

If you think about it your own household staff or office people never seem to run out of people that are dying but if this is the case then I question how can we be facing such a huge population explosion and why aren’t the morticians and gravediggers busy all the time? (foth gi ho gayee).

Also I am quite surprised as to the amount of relatives that seem to befall upon illness due to some mysterious cause or the other yet the same sibling seems to be immune enough to struggle through it whilst working in your home over and over again year after year.

Being an Islamic nation we have our follies and these problems tend to arise usually around our religious holidays when we are overtly emotional and only harp one tasbih “zakat”!  Maybe it is my bitterness but I do not have any sisters but sadly have become a mamu many times as have you over the past year and am tired of that.  Also I fail to understand why we as an educated lot would rather provide money and try to buy our way into heaven when all we need to do is practice common sense.

I studied this mafia of street beggars for over a couple of months.  It is remarkable the rate that a signal goes for in cash.  Actually it is an entire hidden economy and to understand it one must be open minded. Let’s begin.

A contractor comes along and takes the signal at a “Bhara” (rate).  Then you have your freelancers who hop from car to jeep selling flowers, towels tissues or anything to strike an impulse buy from the traffic etc.  The contractor then places the right mix of beggars that are women with drugged out babies or conveniently pregnant and then adds on his list of favorite amputees.  The more hideous you are or can express constipation adds value to your ability to earn for the boss and you get placed at a signal of higher value where more Burgers hit the roads.   These sorts watch and see who has bought anything off an impulse buy and conveniently pop up to take the change as mercy money from the traffic because the street vendor always delays it just enough to pay you until the signal opens.

After this you have your army ants, these are a vicious lot known as the “Samad bondi’s” (glue sniffing street kids) should you argue with this lot or any other lot they will scratch your windshield and even strike a match to your emotions by spitting on you and dart away into the cars where you cannot catch them.  Usually they come with water bottles and wiper blades to clean windshields but then again I guess any form of additional revenue goes very well into the kitty.

The street beggars take all the their notes and then believe it or not bundle the different denominations of currency and eventually sell it back to the state bank where dirty notes get replaced and new bundles are handed over with a  fee for the processing.

You will notice that some beggars also possess mobile phones and have the ability to SMS quite well.  Whilst you and I may possess a “China wala phone” these chaps often mock you because hidden under the layers of clothes they actually do have an i-Phone 5S.  I am seriously not kidding!  Begging does pay!  This is the same lot that once they pick up a routine form of movement from you that you always stop at the same signal at the same time with the same people will tell someone via a call or an SMS what phone you possess and somehow along the way you will be held up by some random guys on bikes!

If you look at the studies in the west of traffic flows you will notice that 73% of all accidents and these incidents happen close to where you live or work (100 – 500 yards) or an area you are familiar with this is because you are off guard in a comfort zone so you relax your senses.

Surprisingly enough none of these chaps will have hunger pangs because if you give them one hundred rupees for food they will still be lurking at the same signal after 3 hours.  I guess you mistook the fact that you thought they wanted daal roti when they actually are trying to make enough to hit Jason’s Steak House at night for the Australian Rib Eye!  In Pakistan we have the most number of NGO’s in the world as a single country which is a fantastic racket as they are all extremely well-funded locally and also source their funds from the west and specially overseas Pakistani’s to quash poverty yet we seem to always produce more beggars than our NGO’s can seem to absorb into the system.

My advice to you is that in order to stop any form of addiction one needs to go cold turkey by the way thanks giving and Christmas along with Ashura is on the way so please do not encourage these beggars to make more money than you and take you for a ride.  If you want to test my theory ask that woman who comes to you with a sleeping child to wake up the baby in her arms and hold in your hand a thousand rupee note.  If the child wakes up then I am wrong and this blog post is null and void!  If I am right and the child does not wake up then seriously think would you give you money to a woman who would drug a child senseless and violate your emotions!